Dark Souls: Remastered was revealed, and lo, did the people cheer. There was weeping in the streets, past grudges were buried, the sun was praised, old armor was polished and life was good. Then the Switch version was announced and the day was truly joyous indeed.
But almost before the cheering died down, a lone voice called "What else do we get?"
More and more voices joined the first, and soon, a cacophony rang through the halls. "What else do we get!? What else do we get!?"
"Are you not sated with the remaster?" demanded Bandai. "Are you not satisfied? Have you not been crying out, praising the sun diligently, in hopes that your prayers for a 4K remaster would be answered? What more could you want?"
And a voice cried out, "Cross-platform play! We want cross-platform play!"
"Dark Souls: Remastered will not have cross-platform play," said Bandai Namco. "You have grown greedy!"
And how the masses howled.
Bandai tried to assuage them, telling them the new version would have upscaled 4K resolution with 60FPS, and the crowd roared in approval.
But again, a voice rang out, "What about enhanced combat, or new levels? Will there be new assets or weapons?"
"No," said Bandai. "But there will be expanded online multiplayer and the Artorias of the Abyss DLC!"
And the masses were not satisfied. They wept and raged, washing their faces with their folding money as they lined up to purchase, grumbling over and over about how they did not deserve to be treated in this manner. And as they stood, games clutched in their sweaty hands, they spoke of how badly they had been screwed, as they forked over their money as quickly as they could.
Dark Souls: Remastered is going to be awesome, and it releases on May 25th.
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